mental engineering
Don't try to become more confident


by Olga Reinholdt
Meditation Teacher, Mental Engineer, and Author
Confidence is a must-have in our culture.

With raising confidence you can't go wrong.

There's no cons to being confident.

There's no price to being confident.

At least no price too high for that feeling of your ultimate value and social validity…

Or so it seems.

If you're working on becoming more confident, I have one advice for you.

It's a plea, actually.

Please, stop. Stop trying to become more confident.

Stop learning the skills of self-presentation.

Stop fighting your shyness and fears.

Stop beating yourself up because you allegedly don't fit into somebody's ideas of "the winners' behavior".

A person who is trying to become more confident doesn't show up as a confident person. At best such person shows up as someone who is trying to become more confident.

And the price you pay for this is way too high. You loose your truth.

Lack of confidence is in fact not a bad thing.

It is understanding that you are less than what you can be. Yes, it's as frightening and uncomfortable, as it's supposed to be.

You know that your potential is not limited to this CV, and that's why the CV doesn't make you feel confident at a job interview.

You know your potential is not limited to this profession, and that's why you don't feel confident about telling people how good you are at it.

You know that your potential is not limited to making out with this girl in a bar while being drunk, and that's why you don't feel comfortable flirting with her.

You know that you are not good enough to tell people how good you are. And it is a valuable thing. Your lack of confidence is you being frank with yourself. It's you truly knowing that you can do better.

It is not your enemy.

Your idea about it is your enemy.

Your lack of confidence keeps you present to your actual, not yet realized, potential.

People don't feel content while their potential is not realized.

Why would want to feel content while your potential is being buried under routine and circumstances?

There's all sorts of "quick fixes" to this discomfort. But none of them are sustainable, unless you allow your potential grow and manifest into the world.

Don't feel confident.

Stay curious. Remain uncertain. Keep growing and changing.

There's so much yet to be realized, learned and experienced.

Accept the humility of underconfidence with grace and gratitude.

Humility is the gate to the new fields of value that you can bring to your life and lives of others.

Confidence is the wall, that keeps you trapped in the illusion of "okayness" according to somebody else's limited ideas of you.

Don't try to become more confident.

Be true.

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